Thursday, June 25, 2009

Does Pain Have To Be A Part Of The Plan?

Thank you to all who prayed for me yesterday as I had the epidural procedure done on my back. Everything went according to plan, except that I had somehow convinced myself that the relief would be almost instantaneous, which turned out to be bad information. I am told that things should improve withing a couple of days to two weeks. I had a kind of rough night last night, but am not feeling quite as groggy this morning.

It's a rare thing for me to go to the doctor or have any kind of surgery, etc. I'm one of those guys who waits until things are really bad before considering that option. I'm not certain if was my inexperience, the side effects of being on pain medication for the last several weeks while I waited to have the procedure done, or just the whole "turning forty this fall, kid starting college, 20th wedding anniversary in few weeks, etc" feelings I've been dealing with recently, but for the first time I can remember in a long time, I was really nervous and anxious yesterday..... almost scared.

As I laid there in pre-op, I was freezing (the cute little gown didn't help), my hands were shaking, and I was really feeling very anxious about the whole process. Shondi and Chase (my oldest son if you didn't know) were in the lobby waiting room and weren't allowed to come back, which made things even more unnerving for me. I suppose the nurse must have noticed that I was falling apart, so she walked over and brought me a very warm blanket, fresh from the blanket warming machine (I think I'm getting one of those for home!). That took care of the shaking on the outside, but I was still shaking on the inside.

After a few more minutes passed by, I heard familiar footsteps coming.... the nurse had gone to the lobby to get Shondi to come back and wait with me. If you know me at all, my love language is quality time, so even it it's just sitting in a freezing cold pre-op room with a cute little gown and cap, I am at my best when Shondi is by my side. As it turns out, she was only there a couple of minutes when the doctor and staff showed up to wheel me back to the OR for the procedure, but those couple of minutes helped me calm down a little more.

The procedure was less painful than I expected.... technology has come a long way since I had this done several years ago. I will say that those needles are the longest needles I've ever seen..... thank God they had a hi-tech image of my back on the screen to guide the needle to the right place. It was a little intense, but bearable. The doctor talked to me the whole time, even thought I was lying face down with my face buried in the table and I know he couldn't understand a word I said!

After the procedure, we grabbed a late lunch at Sonny's BBQ and headed home. I spent the evening propped up in bed and pondered the day. I think what stood out in my mind was the reality that in order to rid myself of the pain I have been enduring in my back for several months, I finally had to decide that even if the procedure hurt more initially, it was necessary to bring ultimate relief (which I am so praying that it does!).

Interestingly enough, When I came to office early this morning, I was drawn to Tangle.com, on of my favorite websites. And what was the number one video of the week about? It was a skit about the pain of allowing God to chisel away the things in our lives that keep us from enjoying our walk with Him the most. I was touched by the skit as it reminded me again that God really loves us enough to put us through the "pain of the chisel" so that we can be all that He intends for us to be. Check it out.....

I wonder if we trust God enough to believe that when we are afraid of the chisel, ours hands and hearts shaking, that the Holy Spirit (our comforter) will be there just in time with a warm blanket to calm our fears. I wonder if we really understand the power of His presence.... that He has promised to never leave or forsake us, and that He is always by our side... a whisper away. I certainly needed a fresh reminder.... how about you?

Whatever It Takes,
Chip

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